liar liar

I was in Target yesterday (child free which hardly EVER happens) and I saw a woman struggling to put her obviously very new infant in the cart. When offering my assistance I asked how old the baby was and she told me he (or she not quite sure since the car seat and outfit were both very gender neutral) was three weeks old. I smiled at her and asked “how’s it going?” and while obviously forcing a smile she replied “great”. While she continued on about how wonderfully he has adapted to his sleep schedule and how he never cries and is a pro at nursing I looked the woman over from her unbrushed hair to her mismatch socks, the bags under her eyes and the spit up stain on her shoulder and I couldn’t help but realize this woman was lying through her teeth! Now don’t get me wrong I am not making this assessment in a judgmental way, I felt sorry for the poor thing. And it occurred to me that we mothers spend our lives lying to other mothers about how great we’re doing when really we want to throw down our grocery bags and kick, scream, and bawl in the middle of the parking lot. There’s a competition of sorts among moms (particularly new ones) to see who can “adjust” the best. Women do their best to paint on a smile and go out in public beaming about how their little one is sleeping like a pro when in actuality they’ve been awake every night since they left the hospital. Why do we do this so each other? Wouldn’t it be easier for everyone if we just told the truth? Imagine walking up to a new mom in Wal-Mart and inquiring about how she was doing only to have her collapse into sobs and confess that not only has she not slept or showered in nine days but she can’t even remember what she came into the store for. Wouldn’t that be awesome? So often our imagined shortcomings as moms stem from lies that other mothers are telling us. In an effort to avoid feeling inferior we lie to each other about how potty training is the easiest thing we’ve ever done when if we just told the truth we could help each other. Itd be great to get together over a bottle of merlot and confess that when we stumble upon the broken glass or crayon mural on the wall that we secretly vow that we will never even think about sex again because sex is the reason we haven’t slept since our water broke! But no, in a sorority like fashion we paint ourselves and tuck the “baby belly” into some spanx, slap on a smile and some concealer to hide the bags and we brag and brag and brag. Being proud of your baby is one thing. After all I have been given the privelege of giving birth to the most awesome baby on the planet! But it’s ok to admit that motherhood is hard and we are in this together…it doesn’t become a competition until they hit high school!!!